“Ah, good-ass ambient music. Gonna write this up in Pitchfork” “sir this is a Dyson Airblade hand dryer and you don’t write for pitchfork”

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) November 19, 2014

I would die to have a dyson airblade hand dryer that I could use whenever I wanted. I would destroy my life

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

Most modern consumer technology should aspire to be as good at what it does as the dyson airblade hand dryer is at drying hands

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

“I love your dyson airblade tweets” my followers say. So what. How does this get me closer to having one of my own

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

When I walk into a public restroom and see there’s a dyson airblade it’s like when Dorothy lands in Oz and everything turns to color

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

7 people gave the dyson airblade a one-star review on Amazon so I now know there are seven people ignorant of what makes the world good

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

All the complaints about the dyson airblade on Amazon seem to be due to improper maintenance. Guess what. Art requires preservation.

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

To all the dyson airblade haters out there: all I can say is: more for me

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

If Elon Musk had been like “my new battery is compatible with the dyson airblade” I would have preordered two but he remains oddly silent

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

“dyson airblade is too loud” WAKE UP SHEEPLE. the brawny man is keeping you under his quilted thumb

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

“Oops I accidentally dunked my hands again in this giant bowl of water I keep at my desk for some reason“ -me when I own a dyson airblade

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

Nicki steps out of the pool. A hunk tries to hand her a phone to use Beats Music but her hands are wet. She uses a dyson airblade hand dryer

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

Lil Wayne mischievously sprays champagne on an assemblage of friends. Cut to everyone drying their hands using a dyson airblade hand dryer

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

Electric company tell me there’s no subsidy for “appreciating the majesty of the airblade” so I just keep asking for each person’s manager

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

dyson airblade >>>>>>>> oculus rift

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

oculus rift better take a page from the airblade & dry your eyes cuz you’re gonna cry when you realize you could’ve got an airblade instead

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

When you think about it using a dyson airblade is basically like getting to play the board game “Operation” every time you wash your hands

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 9, 2015

*leans in to whisper while tucking you in* joss whedon left twitter to spend more time with his dyson airblade hand dryer. goodnight

— Casey Kolderup (@ckolderup) May 12, 2015